Why Halloween a.k.a. “The Devil’s 69th Birthday” is the Perfect Time to Deconstruct and Celebrate

Why Halloween a.k.a. “The Devil’s 69th Birthday” is the Perfect Time to Deconstruct and Celebrate

Spooky and strange, Halloween is creeping and crawling its way to scare the rabbit pellets out of your butt again. For one day out of the year, the least of your worries are health care deductibles that soil your underwear, the ever-present subconscious fear of death, and the ongoing flood of money releasing from your bank account to offshore accounts owned and operated by Lucifer himself.

Diablo, Alas, Demonio, Horror, Satanás, El Mal, Conejo

Spooky and strange, Halloween is creeping and crawling its way to scare the rabbit pellets out of your butt again. For one day out of the year, the least of your worries are health care deductibles that soil your underwear, the ever-present subconscious fear of death, and the ongoing flood of money releasing from your bank account to offshore accounts owned and operated by Lucifer himself.

Chica, Gato, Ilustración, Figura, Bruja, Сэлфи, Mujeres

Halloween is a day to become one with the Devil, dance with it, and take it home for a memorable, but highly forgettable evening; especially if that evening ends in death. On Halloween, a.k.a. “The Devil’s Birthday” you can choose to not participate in the ritual of dressing up like sexy little ladybugs, evil nurses, and characters from Hellraiser, and pass out on your bed wondering if you’ll ever get laid again. Or you can tink your shot glass with zombie Abraham Lincoln at and confide in him intimate details of your sex life with your second wife, looking into his oddly comforting face, amongst strange folk strangely dressed.

Zombie, Halloween, Muertos, Monstruo, De Miedo

You can also worship the Devil free of charge and take pride in its wicked ways for one evening. It’s a free pass to embrace evil. And there’s no point in giving the Devil a gender, by the way, unless you’re blind to the promulgation of the patriarchy, in which case the Devil is a man with a trident-like red staff and a giant flaming boner made of hate and punishment.

For many, Halloween is their favorite holiday. For me, it’s just another day to drink tequila and get crazy with my friends. But there’s something special about the fact that on October 31 it is perfectly acceptable to walk around looking like a blood-starved murderer holding a highly-filled canvas sack with a posse of crazily-clad children, hoping you don’t look away at the wrong moment when they go to the nearest sex offenders house. Or a cross-dressing police officer looking damn good at 1:55 a.m. before the Uber you requested takes him (or her) to a secluded location you now know as “The Whipping Post.”

Niño, Candy, Comer, Azúcar, Trata, La Infancia, Navidad

Halloween in America is a fantastic day for Hershey’s and other candy corporations that make high fructose syrup, shame, and tooth decay taste like a reward. A coconut and chocolate blast that leaves you feeling hollow and nutritionally deprived, but partially alive.

Haloween is reflective of every day if you think about it: A day where people get dressed up and act like someone else, going around to various people and asking them for things — playing tricks on them when they don’t get what they want.

Trick or Treating has a history filled with thugs, hooligans, and scoundrels doing deeds; dirty and cheap. But let’s not get into history, because this is the present, and it needs to be honored with sin, fishnet hose, vials of fake blood, and an oversized bottle of tequila with a sound system that blasts Monster Mash which sends the room into a frenzy EVERY TIME.

Halloween in America may not be about honoring the dead as much as it’s about honoring a baseless capitalist ritual devoid of anything spiritual or supernatural. But it’s one freaky good time wouldn’t ya say?!

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Maybe think about using those gold dollars your kid gets that you steal from every year to invest in your education. At Kasa De Franko we love Halloween and gold dollars. Especially the ones with chocolate on the inside. At KDF Spanish school online and in-person, you will laugh and cry, and forget you are learning something new. With lessons tailored to your needs and a culture-first approach, you will be speaking 90 million miles an hour with other Spanish speakers in no time! And you’ll be amazed at the benefits that come from learning Spanish; including the free tequila you’ll get from nearby bars and restaurants.

Stay safe, enjoy your holiday, and poop your pants responsibly. Keep an eye out for the Headless Horseman. If you see him, tell him I want my Air Jordan’s AND Tupperware container that he borrowed three years ago back. Thanks.

😉
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